2014

I know it is not yet the end of 2014 but I just felt like I should write this.

Keep in mind that I am listening to Live performance of the ‘Avatar: the Last Airbender Suite’, so I am quite emotional right now.

2014 has been a roller coaster from the start. With the pressure of choosing a course for college and completing one of major exams in my life, I couldn't catch my breath. Yet, it is one of most incredible road I walked on. I learnt from past mistakes, I grew from the immature persona I had on. 

Just a few posts ago, I was talking of the expectation I had in myself for the year 2014. Albeit I didn't achieve most of it but I'll take what I get. 

I learnt that sometimes people will let you down and yes, it may hurts but you cannot let it break your spirit. My friend tweeted this quote that I will probably remember for my whole life, "Confidence is not 'they will like me'. Confidence is 'I'll be fine if they don't'". (Hi, Ann Jee if you are reading this) And I think this really helped me. I spent most of my times, trying to impress people, yet I couldn't even spend some time looking at myself and asking myself whether I am happy. I tried so hard to maintain friendships that had already long disappeared. People change and people grow apart. 

I am growing up every second. I don't want to grow up honestly. I sometimes look at kids and I thought to myself, how dare I take advantage of my childhood by waiting to grow up so fast. Inside, I feel myself dying with each passing second. I feel like I am losing my joy towards a new tomorrow, losing my hope. I have lose joy towards things I like doing, example: writing, reading, playing games. I do hope with time pass, I could achieve that kind of happiness I have back in the days. 

I am grateful, believe me. I am grateful for the roof above my head, the privilege I am given, my friends and foremost my family. But sometimes, we humans see the bad in us and not the good in us. We talked about climbing hills and helping the world but in reality, we still haven't conquer the hill in ourselves, we still haven't help ourselves. Therefore, I do hope this year would act as a lesson to me in the years to come, to not take advantage of simple things in life, to not forfeit own happiness for someone else who doesn't give two hoots about you. It is time to embrace a new year. A new beginning ?

Legend of Korra ended yesterday and I am quite emotional about it. It is after all the last episode of the Avatar franchise. The Avatar franchise had taught me more lessons in those few seasons than I ever thought I needed. I grew with the characters, the story sometimes helped escape the pressure and agonizing part of life. Even if it was just for 30 minutes. As much as I don't want to say goodbye, it is time to say goodbye. This is the same emptiness feeling I get after I watched Harry Potter too. 

"I needed to understand what true suffering was so I could become more compassionate to others."- Korra, Legend of Korra, The Last Stand. 

With that last line being said, I am readying myself to say goodbye to a year so I could greet another year. Let us all learn something from 2014. Cheers !

Some thoughts that needed to be typed out.

Hello. It has been long, hasn't it ? I haven't updated since September and now it is November so blame it on me, peeps. Time seems to be passing faster and faster by the minute and I who is struggling to keep up is slowly falling behind. Keep in mind that as I am writing this, I still am going through my major final exams and I shouldn't be slacking off right now.

Honestly, I don't feel well and the migraine that I have for an hour right now is not exactly improving my motivation. I should be reading through my notes I gotten ready for tomorrow open book test but eh, hold on as I finish this blog post first

I haven't watch any exciting movies or read any exciting storybooks so I can't really talk about it. The only thing I kept track during this whole period is TV shows. I frankly think TV shows are one of those few things keeping me sane during this torturous period of time. I won't go into much detail in this post, I will dedicate a whole post on the TV shows I watched aka The Flash, Legend of Korra: Book 4 and more. But right now, let's just chill??

Fun fact : I am technically a college student. Somehow. I registered and book a place for me in the January intake of AUSMAT and though the future is scaring the hell out of me, I am trying my best to focus on the present which is getting through this hellhole. So, let's see what the future bring us, aite?

Anyway, this will be a short post as I have a severe bad headache and an unwell stomach. So ciao for now and wish me tons of luck for the rest of papers, please ? (I seriously need all the luck I can get.)

Growing old and feeling nostalgic

Hello. I haven't exactly updated in forever but here I am and I will be super proud of myself if I could mustered out some long posts that are full of meaningful things.

Exams have been dreadful and torturous. I couldn't catch my breath, I find myself having some sort of panic attack (Though I am not sure it is panic attack, maybe it is just some sort of hyperventilating.) before a test or the day before. I find myself degrading myself more often and my mood had just overall been horrible.

I guess you could say I am seriously stress over it. I KNOW my results this trials won't be good and I can't blame anyone but myself for not readying myself more. My family and friends had been comforting me and telling me that I should not let this affect  me too much as it is not my major exams and it is better to make mistake now than later. I do appreciate the advice but sometimes it is hard not to not think about it, you know.

Moving on to a more positive topic, I watched Maze Runner !

Yeap. Watched it and thoroughly enjoyed it. I usually read books before the movies released. It had became some sort of routine for me. " Read then watch. "

As you guys know, I haven't touch a storybook for months. And yes, it is hard and simply going against my way of life but there are things I need to sacrifice for the exams. So when Samantha (shout out to you if you're reading this.) invited me to go watch this movie with her, I was intrigued but not at all excited for it. In the end, when I left the cinema theater, I was satisfied and did not even think that I wasted 2 hours of my life. 

Storyline

It was unique. With the constant twilight trend and the Hunger games trend, there are many books out there which is about the separation of humankind into different sectors or werewolves and vampires. So to finally have something which is totally out of the 'ordinary' (you could say that), I was happy. I didn't read the book so I walked into the cinema with no expectation or interest. And yet, I came out with interest and excitement to read the whole book series. 

The story starts out with a young guy called Thomas in a lift. The lift brings him up into a place called Glade with not a single recollection of his life before it or the world. There are people, a group of young boys that stays there and manage to make a community out of the very few supplies the people sent up there. 

Thomas realize that the only thing anyone in the Glade can remember is their name and that they are surrounded by a maze. Whoever who put them in the Glade intends to trap all of them there. 

Everyday, runners runs into the maze in hopes of finding a way out but if they don't returned by nightfall. The maze door closes. Trapping them is not the worst part though. In the maze, there are creatures called Gievers and technically they are alien-like monsters that sting and kill (???) you ? Thomas then realize that only by a Giever's stung, you can recover your past memories and well there are consequences.

That is all I could tell without revealing too much spoilers. Like all typical story, Thomas is one who is 'special' and will somehow be a sort of hero. 

Like I previously mentioned, the storyline is unique. It keeps you on your edge of the seat and keeps you wondering who is gonna die next. (A lot of people dies. But never Thomas because lead character, duhhh) 

Characters

The characters feels human. Feels realistic. I think I expressed how much I dislike characters that are supposedly normal but somehow managed to be perfect at everything. Perfect skills, perfect attitude, prefect everything. I usually cannot stand much for Mary Sue character. 

Each of the characters are not at all boring. They all have their own personal weakness or personality that people cannot stand. And that is what makes the story good. Makes it real. Makes you completely immersed into the story. I don't see much character development, not that I minded much as like I said, it is only the first book and well, there is not exactly time for them to be interacting with each other and having fun when they are fighting for their life. 

Adding something extra, Gally, one of the characters in the movie looks like Sid Phillips from Toy Story :'D Yea, well, the actor, I have seen him acted in a couple of different movies and always thought he looks similar with Sid but you know, just mentioning. Encouraging you to watch it maybe ?

Conclusion

Is it a good movie ? Well,  I only have been saying good things about it, aren't I ? Maybe if I was an avid reader of the book series then I would think differently because I gotta admit the whole turning books into movies trend is not exactly a successful one (ahem, Percy Jackson) Yet, it also made me want to get the books and camp in my room till I finish it. 

But so far, it is a good movie. It didn't hurt that the actors are all played by good looking dudes. Though I have to admit, the Asian guy, Ki Hong Lee, attracted me the most because it is rare to see Asian have such an important role in Hollywood movie even if the movies are said Asia-related a.k.a Avatar: The Last Airbender and Dragonball (which all cast bloody white people as the Asian lead character. Annoyed to the max) Plus, he was kinda cute too so oh well. Dylan O'Brien also did a good job at acting out the emotions so a round of applause for him. (Y) 

Next on the list of things I want to talk about is Bunheads. I think I mentioned a long time ago that I am absolutely in love with this TV series. 

Since it was holiday period, I thought I would take out some of my time to re-watch the whole series. And surprise, surprise, I am still in love with it. I still laugh over the jokes and the antics of Michelle. Knowing myself pretty well, I rarely laugh over jokes on TV. When I was a kid, while my family was laughing over Mr Bean, I will just watch quietly. So either really lame jokes makes me laugh or really good ones. And the jokes in this one is definitely really good ones. I am still amazed by the talents of the dancers. Just an overall good TV series that sadly is cancelled. 

But I still recommend everyone to watch it if they are in dire need of a good laugh. Ah, just bloody watch the series because it is gold !

Lastly, I still can't believe that I am graduating in a few months and then it is off to college. (Or in my country's case, it is known as Pre-u. ) No more public school uniform or sitting in stuffy classroom. Yet, I am pretty sure those things are the things I will miss the most.

Laughing at my friend's misery as they get called into the discipline room. Making a huge noise when teacher is not around. Not long after, this will just be distant memories that I will cherish the most. Although my time in school hasn't exactly been the best but between those years, there is hidden some fun times or some laughter or some inside jokes that no matter how many times we talk about it, we will still burst into laughter. 

At times, I look at myself and I realize, long gone that naive little girl who wanted to be the best kung fu fighter or ballerina. Long gone those ambition that seems so easy to achieve at that time. Reality is a cold harsh truth, isn't it ? Remember when I wanted to grow up faster so I can go travel the world, go save the whales. Hah, now it will be a miracle if I have the time and money to travel to Australia. 

Just the other day, I was playing MapleStory and when I entered the login screen and heard the music. A pang of nostalgic feels just hit my heart. I didn't even realize that I was about to cry. Everything had changed, hasn't it? Even the online game has developed into a different system but it is nice how they still kept the music. Makes old players like myself miss the good old days.

Moving back to a lighter note, Leon from my favourite local bookstore just facebook message me and told me that Heir Of Fire is out ! If you don't know about it, it is the third installment of one of my all-time favourite book series, Throne of Glass. I literally can't breathe because of how excited I am. Damn it, have to wait till my major exam is over before I can touch any books. :( But the book release is helping me to endure the suffering for another month before total freedom. It has been so long since I get super excited and happy over a book. It has been too long since I hold a book actually. Haha. 

Eeeeppppp ! Heir of Fire ! Look how cool the cover is ! 

Anyway, Legend of Korra book 4 is releasing at October 3rd. Don't really know how to feel actually because I am excited for it but at the same time, I am completely devastated because there won't be Avatar related shows anymore as that is the last book of Legend Of Korra. See, everything is changing as I grow older. Not too soon enough, I will be rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender and laughing over my naive thoughts back in the good old days.

I am guessing I talked too much for one post. Wish me luck on my road to the horrifying exams and I will update if I get the time to do another stuff besides studying. Ciao ! 

Stress

Hiyaa. It will be a short post, my apologizes. It is because I am having my trials right now and I am super super stress out about it.

I feel tired and worthless and all those jumbo shit bundle up together. I have been getting so many migraines lately that today I decided to take a day rest (there is no test tomorrow). My school is having their national day celebration tomorrow and we are required to wear our traditional attire there. I am debating whether I should go but I probably won't be going.

Because I just kinda want to be alone. I guess. My mind is messed up. I am overly depressed over my exams and I just don't want to go to school and get left out by people again. If it is on a usual day when I am not feeling so shitty and worthless, I would probably brush it off because used to it but not now. Not when my emotions are all unstable and every time I think of my papers, I burst into tears. Not when I look at other people and get the overflowing emotions of jealousy. I just need a break from people...

I will end here before I typed out weird and stupid things. So long. And those who are feeling almost as shitty as I am.(Or worse.) Remember, things will get better. I may not be in a good situation now, but I am holding on to the hope that that things will get better for me. (It probably won't for me like it always do, but it is harmless to hope right ?)

Short talk.

How long has the last post been ? Weeks ? Months ? Either way I apologize as I couldn't find time or anything to write about.

My whole life right now is just a huge mess. I can't even catch my breath seeing how my final exams are coming soon. Plus, you cannot forget about the extra thoughts that comes invade my mind to bring my spirit down.

Still, I sincerely apologize.

Let's see what happened at those few weeks I was MIA. Legend of Korra: Book 3: Change is officially released ! Though, I am not that excited about it, maybe cause I am so stressed about everything else. I will probably get the excited mood back once I watch it after my major exams.

Didn't manage to catch any movies. The only movie I can remember watching is The Batman Begins. And I know I am late to the bandwagon but I don't know why I didn't really seem to get really interested with the Christopher Nolan's version back in the days. ( But I was confident it is better than Batman and Robin. Sorry George!) Patting myself in the back, I finally took out 2 and half (???) hours from my day and sat down and watched it.

The storyline is great, the portrayal was good enough. And come on, am I the only one who thinks Alfred is the best thing that ever happen to Bruce ? I have to admit, Christian Bale's batman voice , I cannot take it seriously. No matter what. Every time he uses that weird gurgling voice as Batman, I just burst into laughter. Especially that part where he exclaimed to Falcone that he is Batman and proceed to headbutt him. I immediately burst into laughter.I apologize to anyone who finds this offensive but come on, his voice :'D

Christopher , my friend, (too many christopher in this post. omg) asked me to quickly watched The Dark Knight as it is even better that the first one. It doesn't hurt the fact that many people rave about it so yeah, when I have time, I will sit down and watched that movie and hopefully won't laugh at Batman's voice. Haha.

I saw a platform heel in H&M and it is so beautiful I want to get it. Sadly, I was not born with money surrounding me like a queen so I have save up and hopefully when I save enough, it will still be there. *crosses fingers.

My apology as I need to stop typing now cause I am officially out of topic to talk about. Sorry guys. I'll talk to you soon. Ciao.

Movies and books and stuffs

I should be sleeping right now but here I am, writing a blog post.(Or probably when I post this, I would have already gone to sleep and wake up the next day to finish this post up. My bad guys.) Gah. Sleeping schedule is so messed up that I am going to have a huge problem when school reopens.

Anyway, with the two weeks holiday I have, I realised that I may not been an excellent person in optimizing my time properly for important stuffs. So, tomorrow (or in my case, later the day) I will sit down and spend most of the day doing something productive which does not include spending all my time on the computer watching TV shows. 

Though in this few days of freedom, I did managed to do some things that I can talk about (write about.).

So, let's get it started ! 

I watched Maleficient ! Yay for me. I don't think I mention about it but I was super duper excited for this movie. It was also clear that it was one of the most anticipated movie this year. I walked in the cinema theatre with big hopes and....

As a short summary, Maleficient is a spin-off of famous Disney Princess, sleeping beauty. But this time instead of focusing on Sleeping Beauty, they are focusing on Maleficient. They had altered the storyline, making Maleficient a misunderstood villain and then a hero. 

The first thing I am going to talk about is the settings of the movie. Though, most of the environment in the film looks like it is made with GCI, I cannot deny the fact that it was beautifully made. It had made me think that a world with magic and the medieval time could actually be like that and that they portrayed it well. Not the best environment out there in the film industry, but well enough to drawn me into the movie. 

Angelina Jolie, in my opinion, did an rad job as Maleficient. She shown the evilness and cynical of Maleficient but also the vulnerability of Maleficient. I do think that some parts of the movie where she is suppose to be more fierce, she didn't really express that fierceness. She also looked super gorgeous. Evil, yes but damnn, her cheekbones game is strong. Haha. I cannot stress enough that she looks fantastic in the film. Do you think I could pull of that make up daily routine? Pfft, probably can't. 

In terms of storyline, I thought it was predictable. I mean even though they altered the storyline, it was still predictable. But I assume that they weren't really focusing on the storyline but on the outcome of the movie? Predictable storyline yet not too boring that it made me fall asleep. They did a good job in telling the audience that humans can be selfish and cruel and greedy and it will be the downfall of us one day. Sometimes, the evil ones are not that monster but us. 

So, I would say it is a good movie to watch but if you don't have the strong urge to watch it in the cinema, don't do it. Wait till the DVD come out and get it. If you want to watch in the cinema then go ahead. Some people thought it was horrible, I thought it was okay. Not on top of the list but certainly not on the bottom of the list. 

The next thing I wanna talk about is a book I read when I was in Singapore. (Fun times. Fun times.) It is called Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell.

The first time I set my eyes on this book, I was reluctant to buy this. I personally am a fangirl myself so I am kinda afraid that this will misinterpret the life of a fangirl which is not at all so weird, you know. So after passing it in the bookstore so many times, I finally went on goodreads and it seems to be faring well so I got it. One of the best decisions I made really, because this book is just so good. I wouldn't exactly gives it a 5 star but maybe a 4 out of 5 or 4.5 ?

Plot

As a summary, this books follows a young girl called Cath who just entered college. Always being with her twin sister since they were a young girl, Cath was so excited to be sharing the same dorm rooms with her sister, Wren but Wren drop the bomb. Wren didn't want to stay with her and opted to stay with a stranger. Feeling betrayed and sad, Cath was left alone. 

You see, Cath and Wren has always be a dedicated fangirl to Simon Snow (a book series in the book which shares similarity of Harry Potter.) So when Wren grew away from the fandom, Cath is still stuck in there. Having insecurities and social anxiety problems, she would rather much stay in her room, reading fanfic or in her case, writing fanfic.

I had read a lot of books that talks about the main char having raped, being poor or being rich. And at th end of the book, everything is resolved and everyone lives happily ever after.And frankly, no offence I think it is getting a little tiring for me to read. Hence, when I read this book, it was so refreshing as everything is so normal and at the ending, not everything is solved. There are still question left that hasn't been answered and omg don't do this to me. And despite how her mother left her and her sister when they were kids, in those usual stories, you can see the ending is that the mother or father reconcile with their kids but in this case, Rainbow left you there, wondering if Cath will ever forgive her mother and just continues acting like she doesn't exist. IT FEELS SO REAL. REALITY. 

Growing up with Harry Potter , I knows how it feels to be have a favourite book series to be over. Reading this books brings me so much nostalgic feels and made me laugh because that is exactly how I fangirl. 

Not bad of a storyline, I mean it is realistic and all. The storyline was so interesting that it wouldn't let me put down the book and I manage to finish this book in a day and a half. (WOW.)

Characters and some other stuff related to this and what not. 

Cath is a nerd, an anti-social person, someone who has social anxiety and has trouble making friends. I see a bit of myself in her actually. She feels like a realistic character and not some Mary Sue, she has flaws as in holding a grudge. Maybe in the beginning of the book, you find her a bit annoying but the feeling of annoyance soon goes away because you really knows her and you find out she is an awesome person. I loved how much she cares for her dad and how she doesn't let anyone opinion of her changes her or how she is protective of Wren no matter how much Wren wasn't nice to her. She is also strong and stand on her ground when she deemed the need of it. So yea, I am pretty liking this character. 

Levi, on the hand, he is the main guy character in the book and he is tall, thin, tan and good-looking. You know those typical dream guy. Haha. Levi's characteristic pisses me off sometimes. I feel like if I know him in real-life, I would probably be quite cheerful as he is always cheerful and his smiles are just radiating the whole place up or I would be super annoyed with him because how can someone smile and be so cheerful all the time omg. Not going to comment much on him as I think I should probably reread again to actually know Levi properly. 

One of the best part of the book is that there are equal importance for all of the Cath's relationships including Reagan and Cath's friendship or the father-daughter relationship or the twin sister. Not one was too important that it completely removes itself from the book content or too little of the relationship that it was out of the pictures. Rainbow Rowell did an amazing job balancing all the things properly. (Y) 

Conclusion

Is it a good book ? Yes. Would I recommend it ? A heck yes ! A good coming-to-age book as entering college a.k.a a new world is exciting and scary and sometimes you just want to stay in your bed and never come out. This books explain all of the fears well. And for a fangirl like me to finally read a story about fangirls. Well, it is pretty cool. Haha. 

An update

To be honest, now that I have fully comprehend the storyline and all, I wouldn't say I am a big fan of Levi and Cath. Their relationship didn't make me go all fangirl on them like some other ships I ship. I just felt like the relationship was there just for the sake of it ? It feels like that a bit. I know Cath is super awkward but I actually thought that she was smarter than this and yea...   I was super annoyed when Cath said okay to Levi so easily and like whatever mistake he did just poof disappear. What was that all about ?  Yea so, in the romance department, I am sorry to say but rainbow didn't get my full support on it. Not a huge fan of the Levi-Cath ship. My bad !

I also watched How To Train Your Dragon 2. (OMG OMG OMG.) One word to describe it. IT IS AWESOME. I won't spend too much time talking about it so let's start now. 

The storyline is practically shown in the whole trailer so you would think it is not worth it to watch it. Well, you are wrong as I came out of the cinema with a big smile on my face. Toothless and Hiccup is back and Hiccup is hotter than the 1st movie ;) HAHA. 

The dragon fighting scene are super cool and the flying scene make me wish I had a dragon too (preferably a Nightfury :P) It is a family movie but I think many adults would enjoy this too. Just watch it and you will understand why I like it so much. Or maybe not as people has different taste. 

But anyway, not bad of a storyline, good character development from the 1st movie, cool action scene and also had some heartbreaking scene too. 

Go watch it in cinema nowww ! 

I have to admit it is way over-hyped though. When the 1st movie came out, everyone wasn't talking about it and it was consider one of the boring movies so I was super surprise that many people enjoyed and the tickets are selling like hotcakes. 

Next movie I watched is Blended and honestly, not worth the money to go to the cinema to watch. It is those typical romance movies. It is funny but not funny enough to tickle your funny bone. It is sentimental and emotional but not emotional enough to made you cry.

The characters are not annoying in this movies but the plot just kinda pulled it down in the list.

In usual romantic comedy, when a romantic scene comes on, you feel your heart kinda tingle a bit on how romantic it is but in this case, nothing happen to me. Yes, I laughed at some scene as some are funny but like I said, not funny enough to actually make me burst into laughter and remember it forever.

This movie seems to me like it is rushed through to put it up on the cinema and to get more money from naive viewers.

Just get the DVD or something but I don't think it is a good idea to watch it in the cinema theatre.

One of the main reasons, I wanted to watch this movie is because of Zak Henri. HAHA. I thought he was handsome when he was in Bunheads so when I found out he was in the movie, I don't know why but I just wanted to see him??

Chemistry between Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore feels very bland. Feels like their acting is so forced and just couldn't see the romance sparks between them. Just hmmm....


Anywayyyy, I am going to stop her as I wrote a lot already and my brain is kinda fried then my writing had gone bad as you continue to read down. Ciao.

“I am haunted by humans.” ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

She was born lucky, I was lucky to be born.

Hi. I am just going to start the post with saying that I am not sure how long or short this post will be as I am just winging it.

But anyway, I am feeling depressed right now so the best thing I can do now is convey my sadness into words. So let's get on with it, shall we ?

I got back my some of my midterm exam results and I am  so so so disappointed with my marks. I mean I shouldn't even be disappointed as I didn't really work that hard for this exam. Yet, the feeling is there. It is always be there. The feeling of feeling worthless and pathetic will always be there. Consuming me. One of the main reasons of my sadness is mainly because of that.

Though I hope I can walk out of this, stronger. (I doubt it but trying is better right? )

I have been thinking a lot about the line from Avatar: The Last Airbender "She was born lucky, I was lucky to be born." by Zuko.

I mean, everyone around me is either smart or have some sort of talent and I have nothing. They get to do so many things and excel in so many things. But there is me, trying but always failing. Even though I know I shouldn't think that way as sometimes we don't know what is going on with other people's lives but sometimes you just kinda breakdown and let the green-eyed monster control you.

I know. I know. I shouldn't think like that. So yeah, I am trying my best to not self-pity.

I probably pissed and annoyed a lot of people off with these words. So I will stop. Ciao.

Captain America : Winter Soldier and Divergent.

Hello. This post has been long overdue. Yikes. But as my previous post, I have mentioned that I am not exactly in a good place right now so my apologizes.. again..

Okay.... First of all, there is a movie I watched last month and yes, a little too late for a post about it but whatever right ? 

When I went into the cinema, I wasn't expecting much. I was not having some big expectation for the movie. I just wanted to check it out. And and I was thoroughly impressed by the movie. Falcon was not what I expected but it was a good kind of different I guess. The movie is filled with action and some humour though some of it is quite dry. It kept me on the edge of my seat at times and doesn't cause me to almost fall asleep so that is a good thing. 

The plot twist is kinda predictable but come on, in this generation ? Plot are either reused or remake. I personally think the actors and actresses did so well in the movie. A big thumbs up ! 

The last bonus scene made me scream in my seat cause I KNOW WHO THOSE CHARACTERS ARE AND LOVES THEM IN THE COMIC. Not gonna say anything about them because no spoiler for those who haven't watch it yet. 

Next movie I watched on that same exact day was Divergent. Since I watched Captain America before it, I was kinda bored with the lack of action in the movie. But to be honest, it is a good movie. Definitely not one of the best-book-to-movie adaptation but it is not the worst. (ahem ahem, looking at you, Percy Jackson.)

When I watched the trailer, I wasn't too sure on how Shailene Woodley was going to play out as Tris as the Tris I imagined is totally different from Shailene. Yet, as I watched on the movie, her acting really grow on me and by the end of the day, I was glad the chose Shailene Woodley to play Tris. A+ ! 

They didn't include some of the scene from the book and some characters which I all really wanted to see so that it is a disappointment I guess. Peter is portrayed as a snark asshole but not cruel enough as they didn't insert the scene where he stab Edward in the eye with a butter knife. I WAS HOPING TO SEE THAT SCENE. That is the scene that tells everyone, Peter is cruel little ass and not just a guy who bullies people with words. They also cut out Uriah which was sad as Uriah is this cheerful guy and I am sure he could have brought more ease to the movie. 

Though, the ending, they changed most of it to a happy ending which is depressing because if they are planning to make a second movie. How are they going to continue following the book ???

Anyway, those two movie are the last movies I watched in the cinema. I watched a few movies at home so yea maybe I talk about later on ? 

I stop here before my head falls on the keyboard because so so tired. Nights ! 

Isn't this great ?

Hello. I haven't update in a long while so I apologized for that to whoever that reads my blog ?

Life hasn't been great for me. I could say this year is probably one of those worst years. Why ? You see, this year is one of the years I take my major exams. The exam that is going to determine whether I am capable to move on to college and if I don't do well... I don't even want to say what is going to happen. I feel so pressured and so tired everyday. The problem is, I am slacking off more than usual. I need to start studying more but I have not enough willpower.

There was a period of time when I was 15 years old, when I went through one of those major exams and my emotional wasn't all that good. I got really depressed and insecure. I started beating myself up for not doing well like another people and then I started comparing myself with people. (Mostly of the comparing, ends up with me being the worst one because I always pick out my worse traits and pull out people's best traits.) Everyday that year was a emotional wreck for me. I couldn't go one day without hating myself. And I hated myself more and more everyday.

After the major exam, I tried crawling my way out of the depression and I was doing quite well. I wasn't too depressed the next year and reduce thinking badly of myself. Well, surprise surprise, it is back.

Yeap. The feels are back to haunt me. Additionally, one of my teachers has a knack on stabbing your self-esteem with words and making you feel more shitty about yourself.

I think it came back when my friend decided to ignore me. Her excuse ? (based on my friend who is mutual friend of us.) I complained too much. Yes, I do complained sometimes but I like to think that I reduced my rants.  I do consider her a very good friend of mine and I really valued my friendship so that really hurt me emotionally. She is also an all-rounder, which makes worse because now, all I do is look at her and compare myself with her. ( Obviously, she IS better than me. )

Friends give me advises but sometimes I don't take them and they complained about it. But but for someone as indecisive as I am , it is hard for me to make a decision whether I should use this advice or that. Yes, advises are good and yes, we should take them if it is good for us. I really want to take their advises but I can't immediately do it. I am not acting superior or what not. It is just that, just because someone tells you to stop worrying about it or stop worrying about so many things, will you automatically stop worrying ? It takes time. It takes effort to stop something that you are used to it but bad for you. I am trying. I really hope I am slowly conquering the weakness in me.... ( I do hope I make sense. )

My midterm examination isn't really good and I am beating myself over it. So everyday my mind is consumed with monsters scratching on the barrier I put up on the depressing thoughts.

How am I suppose to overcome this ? I feel so tired of life. I know I should be optimistic about things but how can I when everyone around me is having awesome luck but me ?

I am going to stop here before I started writing out more depressing sentences. Tomorrow when I am feeling less depressed (hopefully) I will probably post about some movies I watched and so on. Depending on my mood. Hahaha.

Wish me luck in life.

-Taken from Disney Style blog. Check them out. They are pretty awesome.

2014- " This could be the end of everything. So why don't we go ? Somewhere only we know. "

Wow, a month of not writing a post. I sincerely apologize for my laziness and my writer's block because I have idea but when I write something, very horrible writing comes out.

Sooo, 2014. Time sure passes fast huh ? Still can't believe I am already Form 5. This year is going to be brutal and busy for me as I have SPM (major exam for my 11 years of studying.) at the end of the year. Plus, I kinda have to attend all my extra curricular activities as if I don't, I won't get marks. Yeap. This year, last year in secondary school. Can't say whether I am relieve or sad about it ? I didn't exactly have the best life in school... 

What I regret the most about my whole 11 years of school is that I never really participate in school competition because I am untalented as hell. I also spent years in secondary school and primary school pleasing people so I won't be alone. But was I ever happy ? I don't know the answer to that. 

I thought I was getting better with this whole being depressed thing but apparently I am not because it is back. And what's worse is that it is consuming my mind even in the afternoon, in school. I just don't know what to do any more. 

Fear. I just wanted to talk about that. My fear of so many things is killing me mentally here. The fear of being alone, the fear of losing my friends, the fear of failing , the fear of embarrassing myself, the fear of writing horribly and so on. And despite my many (not really though) efforts, I will never ever get rid of the fear. How do I get rid of it ? Listening people talk about how to solve it and ways to be more confident in yourself doesn't really help. Because no matter what you do, it will only work if you admit that you want to do this. Instead of forcing yourself to do it. Does that make sense ? I hope it does. So I really hope this year, instead of watching videos or people telling you how to be happy or brave or whatever, I will actually ensure myself that I want to do this for my own benefit. I want to be courageous and happy. Not forcing myself whatsoever. Because if you force it, in the end it will never work. It is like if you stand in front of a mirror and say that you are beautiful in your own way. Yes, saying it is easy but how often do you actually feel that way when you say that ?

“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.” - Rudyard Kipling

I really do hope by the end of the year, I will be happier and less stressful. For now, let's me handle the thoughts in my head by maybe going to sleep or consuming myself with a good book ? Because busying myself with endless things to do seem to be helping me. 

I am worry for so many things to be honest. I am worry about this coming Thursday. I am worry about this coming Saturday as I have to go to a activity and I am afraid I will be alone. But for now, we see what happens, aite ? No use worrying about something you can't do anything about.... 

Anyhow, I went comic fiesta last month and I had fun. I saw so many cosplayers and costume that are just hella rad. It was a nice experience and hoping I can cosplay this year maybe ?? 

A new year. Why do so many people takes this time of the year to do the things they want to do ? Like exercise more or read more. Bro, if by the middle of the year, you feel like exercising more then you go ahead and do that ! No one stopping you !

Talking about a life and fear, I watched a movie that very well be in my favourite movies list. The movie is The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and honestly, it is a beautiful movie just very inspiring. Highly recommend people to watch it. It doesn't matter if you are a dude or a girl or a old man or whatever, just watch it. The soundtrack is chosen so well that it matches with every scene of the movie. Just a brilliantly well made movie. It could be Ben Stiller's best movie ever.   

I think I'm going to stop here before I get way off topic (because I think I already am way off topic.). I will write a new post once I figure out what nice things to write. 

To end this post, here is a good pep talk video that actually makes me rethink about stuff and made me feel relieve or just confident to make myself happy. Just (Y). P.S I swear I thought I was going to cry when I watch this in school.

So that's it. Till I can come out with some inspirational stuff.