A thin fine line

There is a fine line between learning and getting good grades, I believe. You could easily fall from the importance of learning to the importance of good grades in just a second.

For the longest time, when I was a kid, going to school was about learning. Right now, going to classes seem to be a way to get good grades. Since when did grades determine my mental state?

I have been beating myself over the fact that I couldn't figure some things out or the fact I am getting low grades. I am my own downfall. I am making myself this way. I am making myself depressed af.

I let myself and my worth be determined by the grades I get. Why? Why do I do this to myself? When can I ever realise I will never be smart enough and just accept it that I will just have to do the best to my ability? Instead, I keep criticizing myself, keep insulting myself. For what ? For damage done to my emotional state? I paid for this, I reckon.

One day though, I hope that I would be finally accept who I am as an unique individual and accept that grades don't determine my worth. But this is not the time. I am not ready. And I afraid I will never be able to do so.

I can't say much to others who are going through the this kind of pressure exerted by yourself to yourself because I am going through it myself. But do remember, education is about learning and not about pushing yourself to your limit until you completely break. I am on the edge of breaking, that doesn't mean you should do the same to yourself.

Be who you are and be happy with it. Talk to you guys soon.