Past can't be forgotten, to be honest.

If I am being frank here, I cringed every time I think about my primary school life or early secondary life. I was not the best type of person out there, heck I am still not one but it was much more worse back then. Yet, right now I notice, while I tend to ignore my past, I really can't move on from it.

Most of my previous classmates from my old school that I used to jealous of and talk to (usually better off right now), I tend to avoid contact. If I see them I do still say hi, because after all we were classmates once. But I noticed I tend to avoid following them on instagram or Twitter, just out of pure bitterness.

I am bitter, I will admit. I am bitter about many things and this is just one things out of it. If I come across an old friend's instagram, I end being very depressed about my own life. Why? Because they are doing so much better than me and I am in this constant loop that I can never escape.

It's fine, really. I am not blaming them for my own problem. I acknowledge that I have a problem and it is eating myself inside.

I really deep down wish them the best and I know my actions and my feelings may not seem that way. I want to wish them the best because I know I can be a bigger person than now. I know I can move on and I know I can be okay with it. I can be okay with myself.

It is just demons I need to conquer myself. And some how I wish my life would be one I am satisfy with and that I can grow and learn and be okay with who I am & achieve who I want to be.

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." -George Bernard Shaw

A thin fine line

There is a fine line between learning and getting good grades, I believe. You could easily fall from the importance of learning to the importance of good grades in just a second.

For the longest time, when I was a kid, going to school was about learning. Right now, going to classes seem to be a way to get good grades. Since when did grades determine my mental state?

I have been beating myself over the fact that I couldn't figure some things out or the fact I am getting low grades. I am my own downfall. I am making myself this way. I am making myself depressed af.

I let myself and my worth be determined by the grades I get. Why? Why do I do this to myself? When can I ever realise I will never be smart enough and just accept it that I will just have to do the best to my ability? Instead, I keep criticizing myself, keep insulting myself. For what ? For damage done to my emotional state? I paid for this, I reckon.

One day though, I hope that I would be finally accept who I am as an unique individual and accept that grades don't determine my worth. But this is not the time. I am not ready. And I afraid I will never be able to do so.

I can't say much to others who are going through the this kind of pressure exerted by yourself to yourself because I am going through it myself. But do remember, education is about learning and not about pushing yourself to your limit until you completely break. I am on the edge of breaking, that doesn't mean you should do the same to yourself.

Be who you are and be happy with it. Talk to you guys soon. 

The Martian

A week or so ago, I had the time to catch the movie, The Martian. To say I was impressed by it is an understatement. I was utterly impressed and enjoyed the movie immensely.

Plot
The story line starts out in space, basically. A team of astronauts is on Mars doing some research when an unfortunate storm occurs that cut short their trip. This causes them to quickly return to their spaceship and leave for Earth. Though, being quite unlucky man Mark Watney he is, he is left behind after being hit by one of the space thingy (I forgot what it is called.) Presumed dead, the team left him behind on Mars. With just meager amount of supplies left, Mark must use his knowledge and wits to discover how to survive on Mars and contact the people on Earth. Meanwhile, the scientists on Earth are attempting to save his ass back to Earth.

To be honest, when it comes to this kind of science movie, I am awfully sensitive on how they approach the scientific part of it. While, "yes it is a movie" is kept in mind, I often find it distasteful if the plot stray too far from reality and somehow gives people wrong information. Being a science student, it is easy to nitpick wrong information or believe things that sound relatively sciency. Surprisingly though, I didn't do much nitpicking. The theory he uses sound relatively accurate. There are definitely a bit of false information in it but it does not completely sound illogical, you get me ?

I thought the story line is interesting, I definitely never see much of this kind of plot before. It is actually quite an eye-opening to see what hollywood can do.

Character
Let me begin by saying how much I appreciate of Mark Watney's character. This is because, I am completely opposite from his positive attitude. It is kinda inspiring to see his strong character and yet at the same time vulnerable. Let me remind you that this is a guy who was stuck in Mars for a few months (???), being alone could very well affect him psychologically.

But he brings somewhat of a light tone to the dire situation. I really like it that when involved in science and research and NASA, you see a few female characters in the movie. It feels like they are recognizing the roles of women in  Science. It is also quite nice to see diversity in the movie, coming together for a common cause which was to save Mark.

Matt Damon is the main actor of this movie to be honest, while some characters is deem important, I find myself sympathizing with Mark, as though as I am going on a journey with him. Matt did a good job in the movie, showcasing the actor's ability and portraying a realistic character. Some parts of the movie really make you feel sadness and sympathy towards Mark.

The other characters are very important too as mention above. It is interesting to see different personalities of people working together, doing what they are good at. You can also see an occasion disagreement but it is reality. After all, we are all unique individual with different opinions.

Also, a side note, Sean Bean was in the movie and he didn't die. Wooo.

Conclusion
I would actually highly recommend it to people. Though, it is noted that if you are someone who is expert in science, do keep an open mind. While most of it is accurate, it is still a movie and some facts could just sound illogical ya.

It was a good movie. I didn't feel that it was draggy or boring. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Anyway, I shall stop here. Back to the study table, finals is coming soon. And the thoughts are drowning me as usual. Ciao ! Have a great weekend!  

A bit of Office Girls review.

Not that anyone reads my blog but I like writing on this blog because it kind of gives me a place to express my opinions on things that I like. Or things I have done. It is like somewhat of outlet for my thoughts. But yeah, just wanted to get it out there. Hah. And yeah, my English is not the most fantastic one out there but I am learning. We are not all indomitable here.

I am quite busy nowadays. Things have been hectic since I have just finished my mock examination and I had my oral this morning which I thought went just okay. It was frightening but whatever right. The past is the past. 

Anyway, I re-watched one of the rare Taiwanese Drama I actually likes and one that doesn't make me wanna stab the main characters. It is called Office Girls (小资女向前中). The one thing you should know about me is that I hate draggy dramas. Drama that take too long to get to a point or drama that drags out the infuriating parts. Especially dramas that just uses all the clique scene. Not to mention, dramas that just happen too fast. This drama, although have its flaws, actually caught my attention years ago because of the characters' chemistry and also the comedy part of the show.

Plot 
The main girl lead, Sheng Xin Ren is a staff member working at the Jing Shi Department Store. At age 25, she has been working there for 4 years. Where else the main male lead, Qin Zi Qi, is a spoiled brat who graduated with a degree in MBA back in USA. Earning a job in the same department with Xin Ren. Unknowingly, the reason why he is working there is because his dad is the CEO of the department store and challenge him to live off a common normal worker's salary in hopes to change his brat-like attitude.

This story is a romance comedy, though it gets kinda dramatic towards the end but hey, that is what makes it a drama right? Anyway, I thought the plot was okay. While it is relatively common in terms of rich boy meet poor girl, there is difference in it. Because the idea is when the both characters meet, they met under the circumstances of both of them being poor as shit. It actually show a normal side of dating for once and the awkward stage between relationship and friendship. The chemistry between them is pretty good.

Throughout the whole drama, although there were some serious part, a bit of comical side is actually at the side, just to lighten the whole mood up which was good because I don't think I can handle so much drama.

The dialogue in the show is beyond hilarious but it doesn't stray away from the whole plot line. I don't think I remember any forced comedy where I cringed so hard out of embarrassment that I thought I was going to die because of it. The story is short and sweet (also dramatic), but somewhat realistic. So yay for that.

Characters
Sheng Xin Ren played by Alice Ke, was such a delight to watch because first of all, she was not some typical weak heroine or some typical over-powered heroine. She was normal and real. She in long story short, was what I call a well-written female character. I do admit, Alice's acting is a little bland but I think that is just how Sheng Xin Ren is. Secondly, I thought she was quite a role model. With her actions and her dedication to her job, she reminds people that hard-work is right way to go and people should not just rely on  shortcuts. Alice Ke did a well job, in my opinion. Her acting didn't seem too forced and it was natural compare to some other drama that I watched (and also dropped, really, I have no patience at all) Plus, she stays herself, never straying from her own identity.

Qin Zi Qi played by Roy Qiu on the other hand was not what you call a typical male lead character. He is not perfect in anyway. In fact, I can actually feel how annoying he is to Xin Ren at the beginning of series. But he is funny and handsome, I admit. He is an immature boy that making efforts to be more a man. He actually brings some fun in Xin Ren's life and not to mention he is a little sassy. (Haha) His character's development throughout the series is actually well-written. It was not a instant change of attitude but gradually. As you go on, you can picked some scene where he shows his kindness or his new ideas and it is done quite subtle. It is only towards the end, where you really noticed, he is more considerate and his brat-ish beatitude is long gone. Roy did well. I don't know what else to talk about his acting. Haha.

Though, the manager that handle their department stole the show. His comedy and his quirky side was super hilarious. Me having learn Mandarin before, knows the words his said and he meant so it was very funny to me. Not many shows made me laugh like he did. Though, if you don't know mandarin, don't be put off by it. It is really a good show.

The chemistry between the two lead was very natural. I really think that they fell in love with each other's true self. They didn't have to hide who they really were in front of each other (except for Zi Qi's lies about his family, but that is pretty much it.) and the things they do for each other was not those typical clique in the drama, it felt more realistic. I also like how beginning of the relationship, they still acted quite awkward in front of them because they are still in the honeymoon stage. It is really a cute ship.

Conclusion
This drama is actually one of the few rare ones that I really like and appreciate. The writer really did well with the characters and their development as an individual overall. Besides that, the writer didn't completely changed a character's attitude halfway. You and I know that always happen. (You know those where the main girl have some makeover and change of personality after getting a boyfriend. Like what?)

I would totally recommend this drama to my friends because I think it is pretty rare that I like a drama. Try it, probably. Maybe you will enjoy it as much as I do. I am not sure they have HD version of the show but really, please don't be put off by it.

I think that is all I want to say about it. This post is getting quite draggy. Hah. I will post a review of The Martian tomorrow or later into the night once I find the right words to describe the movie. Ciao. Have a great week!