Everything goes wrong, nothing goes right.

I am not one to talk about how depressing my life is on this blog.  I usually find it hard to talk to people about it due to fact that I spent too much of their time on my problems so usually I just don't. I do tell people. Just not as often as I am depressed. 

I am not fine. I don't think I can ever tell myself that anymore. Things in college is actually even worse than it is in high school. And to think I actually succeeded in staying away from Twitter which was making me depressed in the past. 

You know how when you are sad about something. People tend to say cheer up and don't worry about it and things will get better, either way, it is not instantly you will feel better after that particular line. Depressing thoughts is not something I can wish away. Well, I can. But it is not as easy as everyone think it is. " stop overthinking about things. " they said. I wish I could. I really do. It is just that i try but somehow it comes back even worse. It sounds like an excuse right now. In fact, in my mind, it is an excuse for myself to not be happy anymore. 

I don't deserve happiness. I don't think I do. I am actually a horrible person. I tend to be competitive, I always have too much anger in me and I have absolutely very little patience. Sometimes I wonder to myself, maybe that is why I am not lucky at all. 

I am suffering in college. I feel alone constantly all of the time. Let's be honest here. I like being alone, I just don't like feeling alone. You get me ? Long story short, my social life is not exactly at the best right now. I have friends. I do. But they have another group of friends. Hence , the whole alone thing. Someone once told me that it is just you don't clicked with them that well, until you find one that you do, things will be better. I don't know about that anymore. And the syllabus, is actually killing me. I feel more stupid than usual and I am just so lost. What do I do after college? What do I start with my studies ? I feel like just dropping out and becoming a waitress or something, but by doing this, I am disappointing my parents. I really don't want to disappoint my parents. 

The dreams I had as a kid seem like a distant dream right now. Nothing is as simple as I thought it would be. College life was not what I expected it to be. But hey I guess high expectation leads to huge disappointments in life, don't they ? 

I just want things to change. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. Yes, I know change starts with myself but I think I tried. Yet, things somehow is not working out. I need a break. I need a memory wipe. I need a lot of things that I don't deserve to have. I just need a break to stay away from everything, social network and etc. 

This is a sudden depressing blog post I know, and I sincerely apologize for it. I really don't want to wrote this kind of post but I just some place to rant, I guess. I am really sorry. 

I will try. I honestly will try again. It is just sometimes you just need some place to rant. I stop here before things get too depressing for a blog post. 

Good night, and hopefully the next time I post something, my mood overall would be better. 👋

College is absolutely exhausting, did I mention that ?

It has been a while since I last updated. My apologies. Within these few weeks, I find it harder to actually sit myself down to write something. Things have been busy more than usual. I have about 5 tests or so this coming week and I haven't really prepared much yet. Yikes. I am in trouble now. Plus, I am getting more exhausted more and more as time pass by.

I didn't do much this few weeks. I did manage to catch some movies this few weeks in the cinema. One being Jupiter Ascending and the other, Kingsman : The Secret Service.

I know it has been quite long since the movie is released but I really have been extremely busy tese few weeks. (I know, it is just excuses to some people.) Anyway, I will start with Jupiter Ascending.

I am just going to go right in without section whatsoever.

This is an awful movie. Nope, not even going to help defense this film. I watched it with my group of friends and despite how we heard awful reviews, I wanted to watch a movie and if it was bad, I could laugh about it with someone.

It really was awful. No joke. The idea of the whole movie was good, but the way it was told, expressed and expanded was not exactly what I call Grade A writing. I spent about 3 quarter of the movies laughing at the idiocy of the whole situation. It was not the acting, more of the story line. There was a part where Mila Kunis was like surrounded by bees because they recognize her as queen. It was hilarious.

What I think shocked me the most is that Sean Bean who is in the movie, did not die ! For the first time (I am sure there were other times but so far the movies and show I seen), he never died ! Yay for alive Sean Bean. I am sorry to say but this is not a movie I would ask people to watch. It was just 2 hours of pure laughing at the cheesiness of the whole movie. Sorry, but no sorry. Try better next time. Yikes.

The other movie is Kingsman: The Secret Service. I am going to speed things up but I will try to include all my thoughts in if anyone is interested.

Plot
The whole plot revolved around this young man called Eggsy, whose late father was a member of a secret british spy organisation called Kingsman (duhhh). Ever since he lost his father, his mother remarried to a man who was involved in gangster (If I am not mistaken.) So, in order to run away from the brash life at home, he often get himself into trouble which  will get him behind bars one day. So a dashing gentleman, Harry Hart (which is played by the amazing Colin Firth), who was a co-worker of his late father saw potential in this young man, and brought him into this secret service to train and become a new Kingsman. Things go smoothly until some people gets killed and well, the shit had hit the fan.

I personally think the plot was a bit typical but somehow they manage to breathe a new fresh air into these type of spy story which I thoroughly am impressed. I found myself laughing at most of the scene because Eggsy is so hilarious and how the story line and the writing goes, it just caught my attention, never once making me bored.

Character
I think the characters are quite realistic, besides those some elements that we know that will never happen in real life but it is what makes it fun to watch and interesting isn't it ?

Colin Firth plays the role of a gentleman perfectly and the newcomer, Taron Egerton, too brought out the best of his character. As usual, Samuel L.Jackson was fantastic in his villain character and the accent is just hilarious. Makes me laugh inside everything he explain something to the characters in that accent of his. Just pure entertainment. The ending was unexpected and it was nice to see something different. Instead of the typical story on how the main guy somehow get the main girl always at the end of the movie.

Conclusion
Do I like it ? Yes ! Absolutely ! I didn't feel like I wasted 2 hours of my time on that movie because it was balanced between  the jokes and the element of seriousness in the story line and characters. If you have the time, go check it out because who knows ? You may enjoy it as much as I do.

I am feeling kinda stupid and worthless today. My reviews is not exactly the best out there but I am trying to convey my opinion out there. I apologize if it is horrible. Especially today, it just feel out of place today. Anyway, I stop here. Duties calls and when I meant duties, I meant college and its shitload of work to complete and the depressing night I have to go through every night. Night !