I know it is not yet the end of 2014 but I just felt like I should write this.
Keep in mind that I am listening to Live performance of the ‘Avatar: the Last Airbender Suite’, so I am quite emotional right now.
2014 has been a roller coaster from the start. With the pressure of choosing a course for college and completing one of major exams in my life, I couldn't catch my breath. Yet, it is one of most incredible road I walked on. I learnt from past mistakes, I grew from the immature persona I had on.
Just a few posts ago, I was talking of the expectation I had in myself for the year 2014. Albeit I didn't achieve most of it but I'll take what I get.
I learnt that sometimes people will let you down and yes, it may hurts but you cannot let it break your spirit. My friend tweeted this quote that I will probably remember for my whole life, "Confidence is not 'they will like me'. Confidence is 'I'll be fine if they don't'". (Hi, Ann Jee if you are reading this) And I think this really helped me. I spent most of my times, trying to impress people, yet I couldn't even spend some time looking at myself and asking myself whether I am happy. I tried so hard to maintain friendships that had already long disappeared. People change and people grow apart.
I am growing up every second. I don't want to grow up honestly. I sometimes look at kids and I thought to myself, how dare I take advantage of my childhood by waiting to grow up so fast. Inside, I feel myself dying with each passing second. I feel like I am losing my joy towards a new tomorrow, losing my hope. I have lose joy towards things I like doing, example: writing, reading, playing games. I do hope with time pass, I could achieve that kind of happiness I have back in the days.
I am grateful, believe me. I am grateful for the roof above my head, the privilege I am given, my friends and foremost my family. But sometimes, we humans see the bad in us and not the good in us. We talked about climbing hills and helping the world but in reality, we still haven't conquer the hill in ourselves, we still haven't help ourselves. Therefore, I do hope this year would act as a lesson to me in the years to come, to not take advantage of simple things in life, to not forfeit own happiness for someone else who doesn't give two hoots about you. It is time to embrace a new year. A new beginning ?
Legend of Korra ended yesterday and I am quite emotional about it. It is after all the last episode of the Avatar franchise. The Avatar franchise had taught me more lessons in those few seasons than I ever thought I needed. I grew with the characters, the story sometimes helped escape the pressure and agonizing part of life. Even if it was just for 30 minutes. As much as I don't want to say goodbye, it is time to say goodbye. This is the same emptiness feeling I get after I watched Harry Potter too.
"I needed to understand what true suffering was so I could become more compassionate to others."- Korra, Legend of Korra, The Last Stand.
With that last line being said, I am readying myself to say goodbye to a year so I could greet another year. Let us all learn something from 2014. Cheers !
