Sooo, 2014. Time sure passes fast huh ? Still can't believe I am already Form 5. This year is going to be brutal and busy for me as I have SPM (major exam for my 11 years of studying.) at the end of the year. Plus, I kinda have to attend all my extra curricular activities as if I don't, I won't get marks. Yeap. This year, last year in secondary school. Can't say whether I am relieve or sad about it ? I didn't exactly have the best life in school...
What I regret the most about my whole 11 years of school is that I never really participate in school competition because I am untalented as hell. I also spent years in secondary school and primary school pleasing people so I won't be alone. But was I ever happy ? I don't know the answer to that.
I thought I was getting better with this whole being depressed thing but apparently I am not because it is back. And what's worse is that it is consuming my mind even in the afternoon, in school. I just don't know what to do any more.
Fear. I just wanted to talk about that. My fear of so many things is killing me mentally here. The fear of being alone, the fear of losing my friends, the fear of failing , the fear of embarrassing myself, the fear of writing horribly and so on. And despite my many (not really though) efforts, I will never ever get rid of the fear. How do I get rid of it ? Listening people talk about how to solve it and ways to be more confident in yourself doesn't really help. Because no matter what you do, it will only work if you admit that you want to do this. Instead of forcing yourself to do it. Does that make sense ? I hope it does. So I really hope this year, instead of watching videos or people telling you how to be happy or brave or whatever, I will actually ensure myself that I want to do this for my own benefit. I want to be courageous and happy. Not forcing myself whatsoever. Because if you force it, in the end it will never work. It is like if you stand in front of a mirror and say that you are beautiful in your own way. Yes, saying it is easy but how often do you actually feel that way when you say that ?
“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.” - Rudyard Kipling
I really do hope by the end of the year, I will be happier and less stressful. For now, let's me handle the thoughts in my head by maybe going to sleep or consuming myself with a good book ? Because busying myself with endless things to do seem to be helping me.
I am worry for so many things to be honest. I am worry about this coming Thursday. I am worry about this coming Saturday as I have to go to a activity and I am afraid I will be alone. But for now, we see what happens, aite ? No use worrying about something you can't do anything about....
Anyhow, I went comic fiesta last month and I had fun. I saw so many cosplayers and costume that are just hella rad. It was a nice experience and hoping I can cosplay this year maybe ??
A new year. Why do so many people takes this time of the year to do the things they want to do ? Like exercise more or read more. Bro, if by the middle of the year, you feel like exercising more then you go ahead and do that ! No one stopping you !
Talking about a life and fear, I watched a movie that very well be in my favourite movies list. The movie is The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and honestly, it is a beautiful movie just very inspiring. Highly recommend people to watch it. It doesn't matter if you are a dude or a girl or a old man or whatever, just watch it. The soundtrack is chosen so well that it matches with every scene of the movie. Just a brilliantly well made movie. It could be Ben Stiller's best movie ever.
I think I'm going to stop here before I get way off topic (because I think I already am way off topic.). I will write a new post once I figure out what nice things to write.
To end this post, here is a good pep talk video that actually makes me rethink about stuff and made me feel relieve or just confident to make myself happy. Just (Y). P.S I swear I thought I was going to cry when I watch this in school.
So that's it. Till I can come out with some inspirational stuff.
